21.10.09

The Social Masochist


Pain
Is extremely valuable
It lets you know when something is wrong
I've hurt people
I feel bad
I don't want to do it again
So I pick at old scabs
The wounds stay fresh
The memories splayed open
I will not forget
I can not forget
I'm not able to forget
My memory is broken

Guilt
I wear it like a red string
Tied to an index finger
Blood soaked and pointing inward
History can not repeat itself when time is frozen like this
But this is the fallacy of the social masochist
Re-injury
Upon injury
Upon injury
To avoid inflicting further injury
Inner conflict
Pain and misery

Spiritually disfigured
The soul leaks puss
layered and leprous
Open sore stories of traumatic events
Not allowed to heal
The mouth and hands the most grotesque

It hurts when I open up
So I open up on purpose
Not opening up at all hurts worse
I hurt people that don't deserve it
With beliefs and thoughts
Like razor blades and salt
Self-fulfilling prophecies of doom

I see the future
As lemon juice soaking sutures
But hey
At least I'm not hurting you
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